“Where there is a shadow there is also a souce of light” - said a friend of mine while referring to the work of Carl Gustav Jung. Our conversation concerned the ways of how our subconscious mind can hold us back in certain moments. How past and present tend to mix in the utmost peculiar of ways. It can alter, for a fraction of time or longer, how we act and what we tend to believe in and, in effect, influence our future. 

For some this effect might be fascinating while for others it stands as a source of constant anxiety. I find myself in the middle while, from time to time, swaying in both directions. 

I believe our pain can be a source of immense creativity and resonance if we let it. Of course, I’m not talking about celebrating or romanticising human sufferring. Far from it. What I mean is going on a journey “through” not “at”and collecting what is around - words, photographs, moments in memory. This focus can perhaps save us from tunneling inside our own mind indefinitely.

The sun always comes up. Every day. It might be hard to notice on a gray winter afternoon.

“Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I’m not going to make it, but you laugh inside — remembering all the times you’ve felt that way.”  - Charles Bukowski

The mundane interchanges with excitement

Excitement swims with anxiety

Anxiety fades away surrounded by hope

Hope lights up confidence

Confidence breeds action

“Create art even if nobody cares.”

She stood there looking with hope. Or was it sorrow, maybe sadness? I couldn’t tell due to the distance separating us.
We looked at each other from afar as if searching for a connection. Then came a new day and then another one. Days changed to weeks. 

It was like a fading ritual where the picture became more blurry and distant as time passed. It was hard to see anything. That said, there was an accompanying air of togetherness and longing for wisdom that might never come. 

After many weeks, all of a sudden, a fleeting moment occurred where the air started clearing. The distance brought sense and long-awaited hope. The fog separating us disappeared.

Yet, there was nobody there.

One jungle afternoon.

Almost sunset. Pantai Perenenan.

I see the nooks, rocks, tiny sand peninsulas formed, as if accidentally, by the ocean. Walking, I notice the footsteps of others before me. The water evaporates on the hot as hell black beach sand. It creates a misty vail on the horizon. It’s soothing. It resets my internal systems. It reminds and helps to forget.

I have my path set long time ago. I go back and forth as a form of tradition, meditation, sometimes as a form of escapism.

It takes away the worries, brings peace among the solitude. The sun, in it’s ritual fall, adds pastel colours. Same as in a recipe when you add your favourite flavour on top. Just as much and as little so it’s not ruined.

Everything sets in place. There is only one sunset in a day.